When it comes to fostering, there are still many myths around who can or can’t foster and, as well as pre-conceptions about the children who are in foster care, especially teenagers. In reality, you can combine work with fostering, regardless if you are single or in a relationship.
Being single – whether male or female – is just one of the many myths that exist but as long as you are over the age of 18 and have a spare bedroom, your relationship status is not a deciding factor on whether you can foster or not.
all potential foster carers come to us as equals, and they’re all treated as equals too.
Yes, being a single foster carer can have challenges in the sense that you haven’t got someone to share the load with when any difficulties arise. However, foster carers are provided with a wealth of support and guidance from Foster Wales Swansea, and our foster carer community are on hand to provide advice and support to fellow foster carers. You are never alone.
But we recommend that our foster carers have a strong family and friends’ network who can help out as and when needed. We also encourage our foster carers (new and old) to get involved with the events and support groups that are available as this will help to connect with more foster carers and establish invaluable and potentially long-lasting friendships.
Being a single foster parent can actually be an advantage in cases where a child can only be placed with a single (male or female) foster parent.
The truth is that we simply want great foster carers who can support and encourage vulnerable children and young people, and a single person – whether male, female, gay, straight or transgender – can do this just as effectively as a couple.
fostering isn’t about conventions and traditional family units.
It’s about care, patience and tolerance and all the other important qualities that foster carers need.
Not only do many people think that being single will be an obstacle to their suitability to foster, but many are also often hesitant to consider fostering teenagers due to pre-conceived opinions that they are more difficult to look after. It’s important to remember that teenagers need loving homes just as much as younger children do.
Unfortunately, teenagers often face negative stereotypes that cause them to get moved around different placements, simply because it’s difficult to find foster carers who will foster teens.
both wendy and alex are single carers, who both work full time and care for older children, mainly teenagers.
Wendy Jenkins is a mum to one son, and a grandmother to two young boys. She has worked full time since her son was 12 years old; he’s now 36.
Wendy has had a range of jobs, all generally within social care roles. However, for as long as she could remember, she had a desire and longing to be a foster carer. It was only when a friend suggested respite, did Wendy realise that it could be an option and fit into her life of working full time and being a single mum.
Initially, she joined a private fostering agency for four years but made the decision to transfer over to Foster Wales Swansea due to her agency not utilising her for much respite. Wendy provides respite for young people over the age of 11 years.
“fostering older children suits my skills and experience.”
Wendy said: “Due to still working full-time and being heavily involved with my two young grandchildren, offering regular respite suits my needs and it means that I can support other foster carers with a much-needed service. Fostering older children suits my skills and experience. I love having these young people come over to stay. In one of my previous jobs, I worked with young care leavers so I am aware of how they feel about being in care and how important it is to have the right foster carer who will take the time to listen, offer to find solutions, and give advice about their worries.”
And even though the older children stay with Wendy on a respite basis, she always keeps in touch with them – they often send her random text messages.
Meanwhile, Alex is in his 30s and works within Children’s Mental Health Services. Even though he works full time and trains daily in preparation for triathlon events, fostering is something he’d been thinking about for several years but feared he wouldn’t be suitable.
“every single person brings a different perspective and set of skills to fostering.”
Alex: “Even though I had been thinking about fostering for several years, I held off because for some reason I thought I wouldn’t be considered suitable as a result of being a single man and working full time.”
However, being a single carer should never put anyone off from fostering, nor is it a barrier. Some children and young people are more suited to single carers, especially those without any other children living at home.
In fact, Foster Wales Swansea have many single foster carers. Nearly 30% of our fostering households are made up of single carers.
Alex: “Every single person brings a different perspective and set of skills to fostering – irrespective of your marital status or sexual orientation. I suppose for me, being single made the process much quicker and hassle free.”
Alex had thought about fostering for many years, but the desire increased when he started working in Children’s Mental Health Services.
Alex: “Being able to offer a young person a safe space was always something I have thought about. Working within Childrens Mental Health Services meant I had an awareness of the challenges often faced when trying to find appropriate placements for foster children.”
fostering is much more flexible than people think!
Whilst Alex initially thought working full time would dampen his chances of foster, in reality, fostering is much more flexible than people think.
You can foster on a more part-time basis by offering respite or short breaks for a couple of nights a month. You can decide to foster on a short-term basis which could be offering a home to a child for one night, a couple of weeks, several months, or up to two years. Or you could offer a child a loving home on a long-term basis until they turn 18.
You can even change the type of fostering you are approved for. For example, you could start off by providing respite and then if you decide that you would like to offer a home to a child on a more full-time basis, you can simply go to panel for a change of approval.
Alex did just that.
Alex: “I actually thought that if I was to commit long-term to a young person, I would be unable to train and work full time.”
However, when he had a teenage boy stay with him on respite, it soon became clear that they were the right match for each other and Alex wanted to commit to care for the teenager until he reached adulthood, supporting him through education.
“i haven’t had to sacrifice anything!”
Alex: “In a short space of time, I went from providing short breaks and respite, to caring for a teenage boy on a long-term basis. I haven’t had to sacrifice anything by doing so either. For me, I have a very supportive boss and work colleagues who have always supported me since the start of my fostering journey. I am proactive and am always planning ahead which has proven useful when juggling work, life, and fostering.”
Due to the media, there are often misconceptions about teenagers in foster care being more challenging or troublesome than younger children. However, this is simply untrue.
fostering teens is a different experience, rather than a more challenging one.
Some people assume that teenagers are too old to be positively impacted by foster carers, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Studies have shown that our brains continue to develop until our early 20s, meaning it’s never too late to leave a positive impact on a teenager’s life. Simply finding a common ground can go a long way. In fact, there are multiple things you can teach teenagers that aren’t suitable for younger children, from basic household tasks to coping with their first heartbreak.
A teenager’s independence can be an invaluable thing. They can actually be easier to care for than smaller children because they are more independent and understand more. They can take care of themselves on a more practical level. Teenagers often have their own unique opinions and values that can lead to engaging conversations, especially when there is healthy and open communication.
teenagers can thrive in a nurturing and stable environment
It’s true that some teenagers can use behaviours to mask their feelings of pain and fear. But with the right support, guidance, nurture and patience, teenagers can thrive in a nurturing and stable environment – just like any other child – and many go on to achieve positive outcomes.
Alex: “For me it was never in doubt that I would foster teenagers. From the very start of the process, I was clear I only wanted to offer respite/short term placements for older children/teenagers. This was because I wanted to be able to fully engage with the young person and offer them not only a safe space but an opportunity to engage with activities outside of the home. I can only speak about my experience but if you treat the young person with respect and allow them space to make their own decisions without the need to try and enforce your own values/beliefs on the young person, that respect will be reciprocated.”
Ultimately, teenagers are still looking for what every other child needs – a place to feel like they belong, a place to feel they matter, a place where they are valued, a place where their voice is heard.
This is why both Wendy and Alex foster teenagers.
you can successfully combine being a single foster carer who works and cares for teens!
Wendy and Alex are living proof that you can successfully combine being single, fostering teenagers, and working.
And neither have looked back since they started to foster.
Wendy: “I would genuinely highly recommend fostering to anyone and everyone, especially with Foster Wales Swansea. I wish I had done it sooner.”
“foster wales swansea have been great from the first phone call!”
Alex: “I would definitely recommend fostering. If done for the right reasons, it’s so rewarding. The difference you can make to a young person by offering them a safe space and making them feel a sense of belonging is an amazing feeling. Foster Wales Swansea have been great from the first phone call. They are really responsive, open and honest which I think is really important in a person feeling supported.
“it’s the little wins which have been so rewarding.”
Fostering is rewarding regardless of the ages of the children or young people who come to live with you. Whether you offer respite, short or long-term placements, the impact that foster carers make is great.
Alex: “In the short time I have been fostering, it’s the little wins which have been so rewarding. Recently, the teenager I’m currently supporting has changed my name in their phone from ‘Alex Carer’ to just ‘Alex’. For me, this was a sign that the young person now feels happy and content with me.”
Wendy couldn’t agree more.
Wendy: “I believe I have done the best thing by moving over to Foster Wales Swansea, as I have had the privilege of meeting some fantastic young people. If I have needed support, I have always been able to contact someone within the department for advice and information. I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart that fostering is one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever done but the rewards are totally amazing.”
get in touch
If you’re thinking about fostering but would like more information on how it can fit into your family dynamic or lifestyle, contact Foster Wales Swansea today!
We can explain the role, the process, the support we provide our foster carers, and help ease any worries you have around your suitability.
Contact us today for an informal discussion.
If you’d like to find out more on work and fostering, read a Foster Wales blog here.
You can learn more about the myths of fostering here.
You can also find out the answers to commonly asked questions here.
