Some of our foster carers have provided their tips on what to do if you’re thinking about fostering, as well as their advice for the first year of fostering.
If you’re considering fostering, then no doubt you will benefit from all the advice you can get from the very people who are already doing it – foster carers themselves.
They come with a wealth of experience and can provide information about all aspects of fostering, as well as share tips on what people should do to help make their experiences positive and ultimately be the best foster carer they can be.
foster carer top tips
Holly: “Talk to your children as much as possible about fostering and get them on board from the beginning. Involve them as much as possible throughout the process and hopefully as a family, you’ll come to the decision to foster with us. It’s been one of the best decisions that we ever made, and our children love it.”
Read our blog around fostering when you have your own children. You can also watch some of our foster carers’ own children talk about the rewards of being part of a fostering family.
Claire: “Attend an information event – online or in person – and to meet real foster carers so you can ask all the questions you want to know about fostering.”
Suzanne & Paul: “Make sure you have plenty of support around you and don’t be afraid to ask if you’re not sure of something.”
Tracey: Don’t wait, got for it, you won’t regret it!
Zoe and Julie became best friends though fostering. Zoe has been fostering for 11 years whilst Julie has been doing the role for 19 years.
“Our top three tips are:
- Ensure you have a good support network – having the support of family members and friends is invaluable; make friends with other foster carers; and attend support groups and events that your fostering service organise.
- Do as much training as you can.
- Be resilient – understand that it’s not all plain-sailing. Every day is a new day, especially if the last wasn’t great. There are good days and bad days – far more good than bad though.”
Many people think about fostering for years before they decide to take the plunge. They assume that certain factors will affect them for fostering like working, not being a parent, being single, their age, or even having pets. But there are very few barriers which would prevent someone from fostering.
first year of fostering
The first year of fostering can feel daunting or overwhelming whilst you navigate the role of a foster carer and the needs of the children who come to live with you.
Ultimately, you are all adjusting to a new environment. You are all on the same learning curve, navigating through new experiences together.
Whilst foster carers and staff can advise and support you, every child is unique and so there can be unknowns around what to expect. Each foster child will require different support depending on the trauma they’ve experienced.
Some of our foster carers have provided advice on what to expect during the first year as a foster carer, along with helpful tips.
1. don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
You can’t be expected to know absolutely everything from the get-go. Things take time. Whether that’s getting the child settled in their new home, establishing routines and boundaries, or establishing a bond. Rome wasn’t built in a day; just like foster carers can’t know it all in one day. Foster carers who have been fostering for over 20 years still learn new things all the time. No one gets everything right straight away.
2. don’t be afraid to ask questions or ask for help.
You will only learn and develop as a foster carer with new experiences, attending a variety of training courses, and asking other foster carers or staff questions. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. That’s why you have your own social worker, so you have someone to call on, someone who has got to know you and your family. But we can also buddy you up with other foster carers who provide you with invaluable. advice and guidance.
3. don’t expect miracles straight away!
This applies to foster carers, their own children, and the children they foster.
It’s very normal for newly approved foster carer to feel nervous, even anxious about the very first child being placed with them. All of a sudden you are opening up your home to a child, a young person you have never met. But imagine you are a small child going to live in a stranger’s home after being removed from their family. They will be 10 times more nervous that you, probably unable to communicate how they are feeling because even they don’t really understand.
When you’re introducing new routines and boundaries, go slowly and don’t expect the child to be happy straight away and integrate into your family life – even if you do cook them their favourite meal!
Establishing a connection and bond with them will take time but when the child feels settled and has built trust with you, it will all be worthwhile. Patience is key.
4. be prepared for how much time you will need to give a child.
As well as looking after the child themselves, you will need to transport them to and from school (if of school age), take them to family time, attend training courses and attend meetings relating to the child. Giving a child your time will show them that you care and that you want to support them.
5. show the children that you have a sense of humour.
Humour can help to reduce stress and help both children and foster carers during difficult circumstances. It can also help to relieve any tension, particularly at the start. If a child sees you laughing, being upbeat frequently, it will make them feel at ease. It can really help to break the ice. It can help children to slowly bring down their walls, to open up.
6. find way to break the ice and find some common ground.
When a child comes to live with you, you will be given all the background information on them – this can include their favourite food, their likes, and dislikes. This can be very helpful when you’re trying to have chats with them in a bid for them to start opening up to you. Find some common ground on things they like or dislike. What animals do they like, what food or meals do they love, favourite tv programmes, hobbies etc.
Just simply get to know the child but don’t smother them with questions. Going on walks or car journeys can be a good time to have chats because children tend to open up more when the focus isn’t on talking face-to-face.
7. be open!
If you get the chance to meet the birth parents, it’s important to be open-minded and not make any judgements. Do not look down on them or make any derogatory comments – despite the decisions they’ve made and the life they’ve chosen to lead. Ultimately, they are the child(ren)’s parents and showing a good relationship between you all can have a positive influence on the children.
It’s also worth being open with the children you care for. Whilst a child might be a certain age, they may function a lot younger than their years so it’s advisable to not always make a decision on whether to care for a child or young person solely based on their age.
8. make friends with other foster carers!
It is definitely recommended to make friends with other foster carers. Why? Because they get it. They understand. They can provide you with fantastic advice and support. It can also be beneficial for your own children or the children that you foster. They can develop friendships with each other too.
Attending support groups and events is a great way to establish friendships and strengthen your support network.
9. support is key!
At times, fostering can be challenging and unpredictable. That’s why our foster carers will always stress how important it is to have a good support network around you. That could be family members or friends (or both). They can be a huge help to you whether that’s:
- transporting a child to school, picking them up, taking them to afterschool activities
- to help out in emergencies
- to provide you with the opportunity of a having a break, whether that’s for a few hours, a night or a weekend.
It’s also extremely beneficial to make friends with other foster carers. Whilst others won’t truly understand what you’re going through, foster carers totally get it. Being able to chat with other foster carers and get their advice and guidance will make a huge and positive difference. It often results in life-long friendships.
Foster carers also advise to take advantage of all the support that is offered from your fostering service.
10. don’t forget about yourself!
It’s really easy to put all your focus on a child that lives with you but it’s really important that you still have ‘me’ time when you can.
Foster carers are still allowed to have fun, meet friends, and have a break. It’s extremely important to retain a healthy work-life balance. That’s why it’s important to build a strong support network around you. This could involve family and friends but also foster carers too.
When they offer to help, take them up on the offer! You can have as many friends and family as you like checked over by social services to ensure they are safe to look after the children placed with you.
can you bring something to the table?
Foster Wales Swansea are looking for people to be part of a community which encourages and champions our children in foster care, to support them to have high aspirations and reach for the stars. There’s no such thing as an ideal foster carer, just more people are needed who can offer local children loving homes.
Everybody can bring something to the table when it comes to local authority foster care and make sure that those needing it, from babies to teenagers, have a different and brighter futures.
Fostering is flexible; there are so many ways to foster, and all make a positive difference to children’s lives. You can offer a couple of nights a month by providing short breaks or respite, you could look after children on a short or long-term basis, or you could offer parent and child placements.
Whatever your current circumstances, fostering can fit into your life.
To find out more information on the process of becoming a foster carer, watch the following video.
get in touch
If you would like to speak to a member of our experienced team and you live in Swansea, send us a message and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible.
If you live outside of Swansea but reside within Wales, visit the Foster Wales website where you can find all the contact details for the local authority fostering teams.
